COVID Confessions

This is a strange season in which we are living. I process things through writing and, as a method of self care during this season, wanted a place to write. God is teaching me so much through this moment of stillness and I don't want to miss out. Camden has been watching "Trolls World Tour" and is obsessed with the soundtrack. Part of one of the medleys says, "these are the good times." As so much about life has changed in the past 6 weeks, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I've felt a lot of things recently-fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, sadness. I've been thinking back on other times in my life when I knew I felt that way-- and realizing that, in fact, so many good and fun things were going on that I missed. I missed them because I was internally focused- worrying about my health or the kids' health or something else crazy, instead of focused on what was going on around me. I didn't fully enjoy our first vacation to San Diego as a family of 4. I worried about Caris' newfound mobility instead of enjoying it. These times are trying, there's no way to sugar coat that. There is so much uncertainty in regards to our health and our economy, but there are so many sweet times, too. I want to remember savoring walks to the creek with Camden blazing on his scooter and Caris toddling next to me and holding my hand. I want to embrace pretending to be a tiger family with Camden every day and the opportunity to teach him and watch him learn his letters, sounds and to read. I want to enjoy watching Caris' language develop in real time, something I missed since I worked full time when Camden was in this stage. I want to remember laying in bed and having slow mornings with Jacob, as opposed to one of us having to rush off in the mornings. Mostly, I want to grow in my perspective of seeing God's blessings as an expression of His character, not a consequence (positive or negative) of my actions. I want to fully enjoy the blessings He's given me and to find my satisfaction in Him. I want to be focused on what He's given us, not on what we don't have. I want to enjoy this season, strange as it is, because I know it is fleeting. I don't want to look back and think "those were the days," I want to think as I'm living "these ARE the days." Praying for full presence with the Lord and with this place in which He has me now.